Following 20 years in special ops, the sudden shift back to civilian life presented some of the biggest challenges.  As depression and PTSD worsened, compartmentalizing the emotional trauma caused the alcohol and substance abuse to spiral out of control.  I believed I was deserving of the pain I was self-inflicting.  After discovering the means to get to the core of my challenges and properly process the trauma I had experienced, the floodgates of emotions were finally open.  Although the experience was difficult, it's an amazing feeling to really feel again, and to feel like you're alive.  It's truly a blessing.  Volunteering my time now as a retreat facilitator and veteran client consultant is therapeutic and fulfilling beyond words.